GUIDING PRINCIPLES FOR RESOLVING CONFLICT

The following are guiding principles for approaching and resolving conflict within our sangha at Clouds in Water Zen Center. We seek to:

• Take responsibility for our vulnerabilities and emotional trigger in relationships with others.
• Investigate our own responsibility in the conflict before speaking with another.
• Practice non-stubbornness by holding an open heart, a willingness to understand, and a desire to reconcile differences.
• Have a face-to-face resolution of the conflict with the other person or people involved.
• Use anger in a constructive and respectful way, allowing it to teach and transform us for the better, avoiding the ìpoisonî of envy and comparing ourselves to others.
• Separate the behavior from the person, seeing the situation as an opportunity to liberate.

RESOLVING CONFLICT WITH PEERS

1. Pause and reflect on your responsibility in the conflict.
2. Discern what you need to say to the other person (use a sangha friend if necessary).
3. Clarify what you need in order to resolve the conflict, let go, and move on.
4. Speak directly to the other person or group.

WHEN SPEAKING DIRECTLY WITH THE OTHER PERSON OR GROUP:

• Take full responsibility for your part in the misunderstanding, admitting your actions and their effect on the other person.
• With heart and mind, apologize to the other person or group, without regard for whether they apologize in turn.
• Speak simply about your feelings and needs.
• Listen generously to the other personís feelings and needs.
• Agree on a new course of action, if needed.
• Change your own behavior for the better going forward.

Please review the Conflict Resolution Document for more details.