The Dewdrop Digest

Clouds in Water Zen Center
The Dewdrop Digest
Connecting Children, Youth and Sangha
Sunday, May 16, 2004

In the light of emptiness, everything is everything else, we inter-are, everyone is responsible for everything that happens in life. When you produce peace and happiness in yourself, you begin to realize peace for the whole world. With the smile that you produce in yourself, with the conscious breathing that you establish within yourself, you begin to work for peace in the world. To smile is not to smile only for yourself; the world will change because of your smile.
          - Thich Nhat Hanh

Suggestions for answering children's questions about another's misconduct
Parents: Rely on your gut instincts and values when you respond to children's questions. In general, I suggest giving children no more information than they ask for, with very simple answers for young children and progressively more complex for older children. Consult with a professional if you have concerns about this.

If you are having "big feelings", children need:

• To hear you name your feelings, keeping it as simple as possible according to age, e.g., "I am feeling sad right now" for young children or "I am hurt, angry and really drained right now" for older children.


• To know that it's not their fault.


• To hear and sense your trust that it's going to get better over time, e.g., "All this will pass soon." or "My heart is pretty tender about this right now. But I am attending to all these feelings and they will get smaller and smaller over time."

You may choose to talk about how you attend to your feelings, e.g., By noting them and holding them tenderly, by talking with a friend, by taking a walk in nature.

If you are asked, "What exactly happened?", you could try some of these progressively more detailed answers. Give only as much info as asked and say "That's all the details that you really need to know" whenever your gut says to stop. Avoid revealing a name anyone unless it is clear that they know, and then only a name that has been "officially named". Rumors can be very harmful.

• "There were some promises broken and some people are feeling sad about that. Right now, I feel sad too." (end right there for a young child)


• "One of the promises is a promise that married people make to each other."


• "Another is a promise that helps the sangha lives in peace and harmony."


• "People make mistakes all the time. When we make mistakes, we learn from them, we heal from them, and it's really part of learning and growing. Sometimes it's easy to learn and heal and forgive. Sometimes it takes more time and effort and there are bigger feelings going on. That's what's happening here."


• If child wants to know exactly what happened, and your gut says to give more information, you could try: "You know how married people treat each other?" [pause for answer] "Well, this person was that way with someone else he isn't married to." IMO, except for quite mature students who will be helped by the information, the teacher-student aspect of this need not be mentioned.

MIDDLE SCHOOL CAMP OUT FRIDAY MAY 28th to Sunday, May 30th

• We will be camping at Afton State Park at a hike-in camp spot.


• Meet at the entrance to the park between 5:45 and 6:00 pm on Friday, May 28.


• We plan to return to the Zen Center by 11:00 am on Sunday, May 30.


• If you need to make other arrangements for drop off or pick up or have questions, please contact Janene Glyn at 651-341-1886.


• PLEASE SIGN PERMISSION SLIPS TODAY. Get them at Children's Practice table in outer hall and return to dana bowl. Include your email address. Park maps are available here.


• We will be walking 1 mile including a long steep hill into the site, so pack accordingly (i.e. in a backpack and not too heavy). Only water, firewood and a toilet are available at the site. Personal items needed:
  
  
  
  1. Plate, cup, bowl, spoon, fork and knife
  
  
  2. Flashlight
  
  
  3. Water bottle
  
  
  4. Sleeping bag and pillow
  
  
  5. Change of clothes (extra socks recommended)
  
  
  6. Swimsuit, towel and beach shoes
  
  
  7. Raingear
  
  
  8. Sleepwear
  
  
  9. Personal items (toothbrush, deodorant, etc.)
  
  
  10. Jacket and good hiking shoes or tennis shoes
  
  

Also bring these food items:
- a snack that can be shared with the group.
-a sack "lunch" for supper on Friday.
Other meals and supplies will be provided from the money raised at the bake sale.

Plans for the trip include:

1. Finishing the mala beads and learning how to use them.


2. Service project as selected by the park.


3. Lots of fun and games, mindful of the lessons we have learned in communication and peacemaking.

DIRECTIONS: Go 8-9 miles east of downtown St Paul to Hwy 95 (exit 253). Go south on 95 for 7 miles to County Rd 20. Left on 20, then 3 miles to the park.

HOME PRACTICE
Young children: During your good night routine, send out love and peace to family members, friends, and to anyone who needs love in this world.
Older children and adults: To soften the heart and connect more deeply with oneself and with others, recite: "May all beings be well, happy, and peaceful" 27, 54 or 108 times. Variation: Replace "all beings" with a series of names and/or with "I" - e.g., "May Grandma be?" "May I be?" Variation: say this whenever you notice an emotion rising.



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