Who Will you Invite into Spiritual Friendship?

Kalyāṇamitra literally means “good friend,” but that translation is too small to capture what the Buddha meant. A spiritual friend is someone who walks beside you when the path narrows, who reflects your goodness back to you when you forget it, who challenges you toward liberation rather than comfort. A kalyāṇamitra does not save us, but they refuse to abandon us. They sit with us in uncertainty and remind us—sometimes simply by their presence—that awakening is not a solitary project.

Dāna is often described as generosity: giving food, money, time, effort. But at its heart, dāna is about loosening the grip of scarcity and fear. It is the joy that arises when we trust that life is relational, that what flows out returns in ways we cannot predict. Dāna trains the heart to stay open.

In my own life, these two practices have been inseparable. My BIPOC sitting group has been one of the great gifts of my life. Through the long isolation of the pandemic, through the raw grief, rage, and awakening of the George Floyd uprising, and through the ongoing political unrest that continues to shake our sense of safety and belonging, this circle has been a place of refuge and truth. We have given each other time, presence, listening, and honesty. We have also received these same gifts, again and again.

That is the quiet miracle: spiritual friendship is dāna. To show up, to sit together, to tell the truth of our lives, to bear witness to one another’s suffering and resilience—this is generosity in its most profound form. And dāna, when practiced sincerely, creates the conditions for spiritual friendship. It says: there is room for you here. Your life matters to me. Who will you invite into spiritual friendship today? 

by Eishō Felicia Sy, Fund Development & Finance Director